My trees are trying to kill me. Y’all will need a little background to fully get this one. My dog Maury has to be carried out into the back yard ’cause he’s old and him back legs don’t work no more. There was a storm on the way, but not in any way imminent, so I thought I’d get him out before it got here and turned the yard to mud. We don’t have grass back there because we have so many trees that no sun reaches the ground. Maury and I were in the yard near one of my huge maples when I heard a series of cracks that sounded like gunshots, and then just after I had the paintball thought I heard the rustle of lots of leaves being rubbed together as a 20-ft section of limb began its descent. Now, I have some experience with this sound. Back in, oh, ’93 I guess it was, we were sitting out Hurricane Isabel. There were many thumps and bumps as limbs and debris hit our house. Being the naive idiots that we were then we would go out to check on the noise and see if any damage had occurred. On one of my forays into the back yard I heard this same noise as another branch came out of another maple, bounced off my newly-constructed screened porch and almost clobbered me. So I ran, still holding Maury. As luck would have it the branch would not have hit me even if I had stayed in place, but it only missed my previous position by about 4 feet. Too close for me.